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The first two weeks of December went by quickly. My days were packed with meetings, doctor visits, holiday events, work deadlines, and a nonprofit event I was helping with. Every part of my schedule felt full. By the end of the second week, I noticed I was carrying a tension my kids could sense as soon as I got home.

Kids notice more than just what we say. They sense the pace of our energy. Their minds reflect our emotions, as if they were copying our mood. When I’m rushed or overwhelmed, they feel it before I say anything. I saw this happen; my kids were louder, more reactive, and jumping from one thing to another. It wasn’t misbehavior. They were just mirroring me, which is important to recognize.

As dads, we can forget that our kids rely on us to help them manage their emotions, especially when they’re young. Their brains are still developing the parts that control feelings and calm their bodies. They are still learning what it means to feel safe.

One of the best ways to help them calm down is through our own nervous system.

We have a lot on our plates this time of year. But our kids don’t need us to be the most productive. They need us to be calm and steady. Sometimes, the only way to do that is to slow ourselves down before we help them do the same. Notice how your chest feels. Are your shoulders tense or relaxed? Taking a moment to check in with yourself can get you ready for one of my favorite tools: box breathing. It’s easy:

Inhale for four seconds. Hold for four. Exhale for four. Hold for four. Repeat.

Box breathing helps because it activates the vagus nerve, which controls the part of our nervous system that helps us rest and relax. Breathing this way tells our brain we’re safe. Our kids, especially toddlers, pick up on that signal from us.

Last week, box breathing helped me move from the rushed feeling of my day to the calmer energy my family needed at night. It helped me show up instead of carrying everything from the day home with me.

As December gets busier, I remind myself that our kids don’t need us to match the chaos. They need us to make things feel calmer. Calm isn’t something we talk about; it’s something we show with our actions.

Kids learn to manage their feelings by syncing with the adults they trust. When we slow our breathing, they do too. When we relax our shoulders, so do they. When we stay grounded, they feel safe enough to settle down as well.

Mid-December often means routines get disrupted, there’s more stimulation, and emotions run high. When we take care of ourselves, we make room for our kids to do the same.

These habits help our kids stay balanced when life speeds up during the season.

Reply directly to this email with your question, or use this quick form to submit anonymously. Whether it’s about family routines, connecting with your kids, or managing stress, I’m here to help!

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