Rethinking Toughness

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In This Week’s Newsletter:

• Quote of The Week - “A parent’s voice becomes a child’s self-talk - Dr. Becky

• Javaree Talks - Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys

• In the News - Don’t worry about being too soft on your kids

JAVAREE TALKS 

In a recent Breakfast Club interview, Snoop Dogg opened up about how differently he approaches parenting now as a grandfather. He reflected on being softer with his grandkids and admitted that, when raising his children, especially his sons, he felt pressure to make them “tough” because the world would be. Sound familiar?

That line hit me, and maybe it lands for you, too.

We've been told boys need thick skin and that real strength comes from toughness. But what if we’ve been getting it backward?

An article in The Atlantic, What Parents of Boys Need to Know, points out that while boys are often expected to toughen up, they actually receive less affection and patience at home than girls do, even though they may need it more. Boys are just as emotionally sensitive, but are not always allowed to feel or express it.

As dads of young kids, this is our chance to switch the script.

Let’s teach our sons that it’s not just okay to feel but also essential. That connection and empathy are strengths, not weaknesses.

Here are 2 ways to start:

1. Don’t rush to fix, listen instead: When your son melts down or shuts down, please resist the urge to immediately redirect or toughen him up. Instead, pause. Say something like, “That seemed really hard, do you want to tell me more?” Listening teaches him that his feelings matter and that he doesn’t have to hide them.

2. If you’re frustrated, explain calmly: “I’m feeling upset right now, so I’m taking a deep breath.” Your son learns that emotions aren’t scary, they’re signals. And more importantly, he learns what to do with those signals.

At the end of the day, our kids don’t just need us to prepare them for the world, but they need us to prepare the world with them! And that starts by helping them grow emotionally strong, not just emotionally silent.

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