Guiding, Not Controlling: The Real Work of Fatherhood

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In This Week’s Newsletter:

• Quote of The Week - “On the other side of a storm is the strength that comes from having navigated through it. Raise your sail and begin.” Gregory S. Williams

• Javaree Talks - Teaching our kids that emotions are a strength

• A Good Listen/ Read - American boys are falling behind

• Good on Social - Reflect before yelling

JAVAREE TALKS 

The other night, my son was frustrated over something small. It was one of those moments, after a long day of meetings or a never-ending to-do list, that can feel bigger than it is. He threw a plastic easter egg, stomped his foot, and yelled.

I felt the urge to correct, scold, or tell him to calm down. But then I paused.

What he needed at that moment was understanding. He was full of emotions he didn’t know how to manage yet. He needed Dad to be his guide, not his judge. There are plenty of people who will try to play judge and juror. He needs support.

I knelt beside him, breathed, hugged him, and said, “Bud, it’s okay to feel mad. I’m right here.” Slowly, he calmed the storm inside him, starting to settle.

Moments like these remind us that emotional strength is not about never getting upset. It’s about learning how to move forward with support and love.

As fathers, we can help our kids build that strength by:

• Listening without judgment when they’re upset or overwhelmed

• Naming emotions so they can begin to recognize what they’re feeling

• Modeling calmness even when we feel frustration rise inside us

• Teaching coping skills like deep breaths, asking for space, or finding words for their feelings

The world will teach them to be tough one way or another. We get to teach them that actual toughness comes from knowing themselves, facing complicated emotions, and choosing connection over fear. Actual toughness isn’t about suppressing emotions or avoiding difficult situations. It’s about acknowledging and understanding our feelings and then choosing to connect with others, even when it’s hard. We’re raising kids who will know how to stand firm in the world and love themselves while doing it.

When your son or daughter looks back on their most challenging moments, how do you want them to remember your support?

A GOOD LISTEN

The On Point series from WBUR offers a powerful look at the emotional and social challenges boys are facing right now. It is a thoughtful reminder that strength is about resilience, connection, and emotional honesty. It’s long, so below are some of my takeaways:

Catch the series here: WBUR On Point – The Miseducation of America’s Boys

The world sends a lot of messages to boys about who they are supposed to be. Be tough. Be fearless. Do not cry. Do not need too much.

As dads, we have the chance to challenge those messages honestly and the responsibility to do so. We can teach our boys that real strength is not about shutting down emotions. It is about knowing how to handle them.

Here are 5 ways we can start:

1. Normalize big feelings. When your son is upset, treat it as a natural reaction, not something to fix or dismiss. Let him know it is okay to feel angry, sad, or scared.

2. Model emotional regulation. When you get frustrated, narrate your process out loud. “I am feeling overwhelmed, so I am going to take a breath before I respond.”

3. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes. Praise persistence, kindness, and honesty, not just wins and achievements.

4. Create space for open conversations. Ask questions that go beyond “How was your day?” Try “What made you feel proud today?” or “Was there anything that felt hard?”

5. Show unconditional love. Remind them that love is not earned by success or lost through mistakes. It is always there.

Our sons are growing up in a complicated world. They need more than lessons about toughness. They need us to show them how to lead with heart, resilience, and self-awareness.

GOOD ON SOCIAL

GET COACHED

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We help you:

• Discover your core parenting values.

• Learn personalized strategies for growth as a parent.

• Build and maintain a deep connection with your child.

• Establish a self-care and personal growth routine.

We aim to help you feel more fulfilled and confident in your parenting journey.

Please reply to this email to book a free consultation when you’re ready to work with me!

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